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Old 30-Mar-2010, 00:02
Diesel's Avatar
Diesel Diesel is offline
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Join Date: 03-Mar-2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 239
Tma me about my writing.

Well, I enjoy writing as a hobby. A latest work of mine is a scenario where all adults and children on earth have suddenly disappeared, leaving behind only high school students. Since there is no fiction section here, I figured it would be logical enough to put it here. So, as the command says: tell me about my writing. Like it? Hate it? Think it's retarded? Tell me. Here's the part of the story that I've finished so far. It relates to people and places of my community, so it might get a bit confusing for an outsider. Oh well. Here it is:


We're sitting in math class on a Monday morning, learning about some ridiculous concept that we'll never use again in our lives. Oh well, that's the way it goes. Twenty minutes into the lesson, Mrs. Green says she'll be right back, and she steps out of the room. We wonder what's going on, but nobody has any serious concerns at this point. Probably just going to the bathroom or something.

However, another twenty minutes pass, and the teacher still hasn't returned. We decide amongst ourselves to go and investigate. We step out into the hallway, and there seem to be several students doing the same as us.

“Hey, have you seen Coach York?” one of them says.

“No, have you seen Dr. Mal?” the other responds.

“Nope. That's strange, where did they all go?”

We consider the possibility of some teacher prank, but that seems highly unlikely. We search the entire campus, but no sign of staff is to be found. The same reports are coming from everyone: the teachers suddenly left and didn't show back up. Their vehicles are still in the parking lot, so they couldn't have driven off. Surely if they were walking, they couldn't have gotten far, but they are nowhere in sight.

Suddenly a boy comes out of the bathroom and claims that he saw a teacher go in there, but he never came out and isn't there anymore. A girl comes down the hallway making the same declaration. We look outside, and we see no signs of traffic on the streets, but we see smoke rising in the distance. Nor do we see any students from the elementary or primary schools. It's a bad omen that brings us to a conclusion.

It's hard to believe, but as Sherlock Holmes said: “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” We've eliminated the impossible, and what remains is clear. We are the only ones left.

*****Chapter One*****

A group of us leave the building and go to investigate. I jump in my truck along with Trey Moss, and we drive off into town to see what's going on there. However, we don't make it far before we come across some obstacles. Apparently people simply disappeared while driving down the road, littering the streets with crashed and abandoned cars, many of them still idling or slowly creeping down the road.

“Mike, look at all those cars. How on earth are we going to get around?” Trey says to me.

“I guess our best option right now is to go down the bypass and then go down 441 to get to my house for some heavy equipment.” I reply.

“Yeah, we could start clearing the roads. Hold on, I'm gonna call Trent and tell him to meet us at Wal-Mart so we can get supplies.”

We do as my plan suggested, driving down the highways in an attempt to reach my house. Fortunately, the roads are mostly clear, since cars going sixty miles per hour with no driver tend to leave the roadway. This did cause the roadsides to be littered with burning cars, however.

We make it to my house without much effort, and my family has disappeared as well. It doesn't really bother me as much as I figured it would, since the same thing has happened to everyone. However, business is business for the moment. I climb into a front end loader and I make an attempt to start the engine. Nothing happens.

“Batteries, Mike. It doesn't have batteries.” Trey says.

I recall the fact that the batteries were taken out to use in something else. I go scavenging for a pair of batteries, and eventually I find them and get them installed with a bit of effort. I make another attempt to start the loader, and it starts right up. I send Trey to get a dump truck, and we set off toward Wal-Mart.

Half an hour later, we arrive at Wal-Mart to find Trent Conn awaiting us there. We dismount our vehicles and begin to lay out our plans.

“Alright, we've got some options here. We can either take over this place and use it as a base, or we can take as many supplies as possible and use my house as a base. It's up to you guys, we can make it work either way.” I begin.

“Well, we could use your house as headquarters, and use this place as somewhat of a staging area.” Trey replies.

“Okay, that's a sound plan. Call up some people to help us guard this place. We'll need to barricade the doors to make sure people can't get in unless we want them to. Trey, you go to Lowe's and get the supplies we'll need. Trent, you come with me, and we'll start loading one of the trucks with supplies to take to my house. Let's do this most riki tik, we don't know how long we have before someone else shows up and wants this stuff.”

Trey drives off in the dump truck to Lowe's, and Trent and I go to the back and begin loading essential items into an empty truck that was parked in one of the loading bays. After a while, we're satisfied, so we head out to the truck to take it to HQ. Fortunately, the key is still in the ignition, so I start it up, and we drive off.

“Trent. Put your seat belt on. We can't be uselessly killing ourselves.” I tell Trent.

We barrel down Highway 441 doing ninety, which is possible now that the entire road is clear of other vehicles. We make it to my house in one piece, and I back us up to the basement to begin uploading the supplies. Trent is the first one in, probably searching for a fresh pair of underwear. We get the supplies unloaded, and I get a call from Trey. He reports that he's recruited some trustworthy backup, and they've reinforced Wal-Mart, turning it into a makeshift fortress.

We're off to a solid start, but it looks like we'll be in this for the long haul. Trent and I begin to set up provisions for bedding at my house, and we also fortify the doors in case anyone finds out about what we have there. Our new HQ is down a dirt road with no other teenagers living nearby, so it should be good for the foreseeable future. Only time will tell.

*****Chapter Two*****

I wake up and step out of my bed. It's the second day of the world without adults or children. I walk out of my room to find that Trent is already up, and is cooking some bacon on a skillet in the kitchen. He was thoughtful enough to cook enough for both of us, so we sit down and discuss our plans for the day.

“Well, I suppose we should find where everyone else has gone. We could always use more help.” Trent suggests.

“Not only that, but we've got our own defense to worry about. There are people out there who will want what we've got. We're going to need to keep tabs on them as much as possible, make sure they don't crash our show. Did we bring any weapons in the truck?” I reply.

“Yeah, I grabbed some rifles. You're not going to...”

“If I have to, yes, I will shoot our schoolmates. This is not Lord of the Flies, Trent, but they might as well be savages out to kill us. But they won't, because we'll have the upper hand.”

We gear up and set out of the house. I detach the truck we brought from the trailer, and I head down into my yard to pick up an empty one. We head out, and in ten minutes we're back to Wal-Mart. I back the rig up to the loading dock and we disembark, finding Trey, Dylan Fielder, and Dylan Messer awaiting us. Upon seeing them, I'm reminded about backup, so I call up Jordan Hartney. He can't lift heavy things, since his shoulders will fall off, but he can crunch numbers, and I'm sure we'll need that soon.

“Sleep well?” I ask them.

“As well as we can, sleeping in Wal-Mart. Never imagined I'd sleep here, much less because I had to. Anyway, what's the plan for today?” Trey replies.

“Well, you two Dylans, I'd like you to go out looking to see what everyone else is doing. Just patrol around town, see if you see any other signs of activity. As for us, I'd like to get a generator installed at the HQ. Once we do that, we can be sure we'll still be up and running when the power plant shut down.”

With that, the two Dylans set out in a car from the parking lot. Keys were all over the floor, and when they found the set of keys, it wasn't much of a stretch to find the matching Porsche that had been parked there during school the day everyone disappeared.

Meanwhile, Trent, Trey, and I set out to Lowe's to procure a generator. We get inside, and I decide that our best option is the standby generators that they sell up by the door. We go to the back and find a working generator, but we also find that it's too heavy for three guys to lift. However, I anticipated this, and I have a plan.

“I'll be right back.” I say to Trent.

“Wait, where are you...” he begins to reply, but I'm around the corner by then.

I get to the other side of the building, and there it is. The forklift. I hop on and start it up, and I head over to where the guys are. I get there, I pick the generator up, and I head off toward a Lowe's truck in the parking lot. I load the generator on the truck, and I head back in to get some wire, and more, smaller generators.

“How are you going to get that thing hooked up?” Trey asks.

“I don't know. I guess I'll read the instruction manual, assuming it has one.” I reply.

“I'm pretty sure those things are supposed to be professionally installed.”

“Well, we don't seem to have any professionals left, so I'll have to figure it out.”

We get all our materials, we hop in the truck, and we set out. However, I stop at Tractor Supply Company on the way to HQ for more essential materials.

“What are you getting?” Trent asks.

“Fuel cans, chain, clothing, and rope, among other things.” I reply.

We get some fuel cans, we take several spools of chain, I get enough clothing to last me for quite a while even while working hard, and I grab at least twelve thousand feet of rope.

“Empty fuel cans aren't going to do us any good, Mike.” Trey decides.

“Exactly. That's why we're going to TA to fill them.” I reply.

We drive back up the road to the TA, and we fill up twenty of the cans with gasoline, another twenty with diesel fuel, and ten with kerosene, adding up to a total of fifty filled cans, a total of two hundred and fifty gallons, at five gallons apiece. We drive back to the HQ, unload all of the materials, unload the generator with a backhoe, and I proceed to drive the truck down into the field for another purpose.

“Mike, where are you going?” Trey asks.

“Gonna go load up this fuel tank and fill it back up with diesel.” I reply.

“Oh, good shot. I'll help.”

I get the backhoe and load the two thousand gallon tank onto the truck. I cut off a piece of the chain we got with a hacksaw, and I put some hooks on the end. I secure the tank with the chain and some load binders, and we set out back to the TA, leaving Trent behind to organize all the materials while we go fill the tank up.

I quickly find that driving with a tank filled with about a thousand gallons of diesel fuel can be a bit of a challenge. I nearly lose control of the truck before I decide that I should probably drive a bit more lightly. We do eventually arrive at TA, where we fill the tank with another thousand gallons and head back to HQ, facing a much easier drive with a fuel tank, lacking the sloshing fuel inside.

We get to HQ, and it's about eight o' clock. As I drive in, the two Dylans call me and report that they found people camping out scattered across town, but the signs of looting were minimal at any other resource points. With that information, I park the truck, deciding to leave the tank on it to use it as a mobile fueling station, and I head inside to relax with the guys. Jordan finally shows up, and he, Trey, Trent, and I all gather at the TV to enjoy what could be the last time we ever watch television, since the transmission stations will most certainly soon go out. We check the news channels to be sure that we're alone, and we meet the grim reality once again when the television shows nothing but an empty set. It's an anarchist's dream, and we're living it. Facing an entire lifetime of constant work for survival, something that precious few Americans have ever had to experience, we hit the sack, preparing for another day's work without the rest of the world.

*****Chapter Three*****

It's day three of being on our own. We get up, and as is becoming the norm, we go straight to work. Battle plan for today: fortify Wal-Mart and establish it as a shelter for anyone we decide to let in. We gear up and head for what will be our forward base. We'll stop using the old HQ as much, relying on it mainly for food via deer meat, and storage of equipment in a secure and secluded place. Wal-Mart, our new forward base, will be where we sleep, keeping only a two person guard at the old HQ, which consists of the two Dylans for the moment.

We arrive, and we get to work. Priority number one is to set up beds. We've had some new arrivals recently, including Patrick Strott, Zach Shepherd, Evan Youngblood, Chris Jacobs, G-Money, and Pete, so we'll need somewhere for them to sleep. We head down to Badcock to pick up some bed frames and mattresses, something which Wal-Mart oddly lacks in their stores. While we're there, we grab some couches and recliners for something to sit on, maybe to play video games at the store when we're not working. However, after we get several beds set up, an idea comes into my head.

“Guys, you know what we should do?” I ask them.

“What?” Trent replies.

“We should go to Six Flags.”

“Now you're talking.” Trey pipes in.

“Hopefully the power is still on. I suppose we'll see. We'll take the Charger.”

Trey, Trent, Pete, and I drive out to Six Flags, getting there around noon. Lo and behold, the power is still going. We hop the fence and head into the park to see what kind of mischief we can get to. Trey and I head off toward Goliath, Trent goes off to ride the log flume, and Pete goes off into the distance somewhere. We ride the rides for a while, and we eventually get tired and go search for some water. Trent shows up with some cotton candy and offers us some, and we continue walking toward the nearest water fountain. However, suddenly the power goes out.

“Uh oh. Where's Pete?” Trey asks.

“I guess we'll have to find him. I wonder if the cell towers are still working.” I reply.

Trey checks his phone. “I don't have service.” he says.
“Tell me something new.” I reply. “I'll check mine.” I check my phone, and I don't have service either. “I guess the power's out for all the towers around here.”

We head off through the park in search of Pete, but we don't split up for fear of getting lost. We eventually hear someone calling for help off in the distance, and we head off toward the Mind Bender. We eventually get there, and we discover the worst of news. The power went out, and the train apparently applied its brakes halfway though a loop, becoming stuck at the top. It's clear that we have no way to get to Pete, much less to get him out of the safety bars.

“Guys, there's no way we're going to be able to get him out of there. No way at all. I'm afraid we don't have the time or the resources to do it. We're going to have to leave him.” I whisper to Trey and Trent.

“Well, if there's nothing we can do, then I don't suppose we should sit around and worry about it.” Trey replies.

“We can't just leave him here to die, he's our friend, we've got to help him.” Trent objects.

“Yes we can. We have no other options. We can't get to him, and even if we found some way to get up there, we still wouldn't be able to cut through the bars, and even if we could, we'd probably end up injuring him anyway. There's simply nothing else any of us can do.” I reply.

We tell Pete that we'll see about getting him down, but we head back to the Charger and leave instead. It's a shame, but there truly was no other option.

“I still feel bad for just leaving him there.” Trent says on the way back.

“Well, at least he'll pass out soon from being upside-down. That'll make his death relatively painless. Like I said, nothing else we could do.” I reassure him.

We eventually arrive at the forward base, minus one crew member.

“Wait, where's Pete?” Evan asks.

“We had to leave him. He got stuck, we couldn't get him down.” Trey replies.

Nobody says anything in return, but everyone in the room looks fairly bitter. Eventually the silence is disturbed by someone knocking on our barricades.

“Identify yourself!” Trent yells.

“Jared Rector”

“Zach Vill”

“Alright, hold on.” Trent replies, and he goes to let them in. They come in, we show them where the beds are, and we move on to business once again.

“Trent, doesn't your grandfather have large amounts of guns and ammo?” I ask.

“Yeah, you want to go get it?” he replies.

“Alright, let's go. We'll need it for hunting, if nothing else.”

Trent and I borrow Trey's Jeep, and we drive out to Trent's grandfather's house. Inside, we pick up all of the weapons, ranging from WWII rifles to shotguns and knives, and several thousand rounds of ammunition to complement our new stock. We load it all up, and we head back to the forward base. On the way back, Trent and I discuss how we're going to set up a political system.

“We're going to need to devise some way to control our men.” Trent begins.

“I'll make a speech when we get there.” I reply, and I go into the details with him.

We eventually arrive, and I decide that I'll lay out our political plan to everyone in the building.

“Obviously you all aren't just going to want to follow any order, especially from people of the same age and status as you. For this reason, Trey, Trent, and I are going to set up a Troika council that will make the decisions and commands for us. This way, if you've got concerns, you can go to any one of us, and we'll do our best to handle it. We've got a good group of people that seem to get along with each other well enough, but it's inevitable that we'll have strife at some point in time. The Troika will only make decisions if all three of us are agreed on it. If one of us is not present, two will serve as a majority, but a major decision by only one council member should not happen. I hope we'll all be able to work together to ensure our survival. We've done well so far, but we've obviously already suffered some loss. That only means we'll have to band together, be more careful, and make sure that this doesn't happen again. It's in our best interests. Divided, we can't accomplish anything, so if you've got problems with what's happening, don't be afraid to tell us. We'll do our best to alleviate your concerns.”

With my speech, everyone seems to be pleased with our new established government system. We'll get around to making some basic laws in the morning, but for now, it's time to boost morale and further strengthen the bonds between all of us.

“Alright guys. The power's out here now, but we set up one of the generators in the back, that's why the lights and all are still on. Let's go have some fun. There are 360's in the back, TV's, and we brought some furniture for you guys to sit on. So go ahead, plug up, and let's have some fun for a change. All work, no play, makes a man very boring, right?” I tell the guys.

With that, we go to the electronics section and enjoy ourselves for a while, and we eventually all head to our beds and drift to sleep. After all, it takes a lot of rest to keep the world turning.

*****Chapter Four*****

It's the morning of day four, and we wake up to the sound of someone banging on the barricades, making an attempt to get in. I get up, and I head over to the source of the racket.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“It doesn't matter. Just let us in, and there will be no problems.” The unknown voices reply.

Realizing the potential threat, Trent brings me a rifle and heads up to see over the barricades with his own rifle. I send two men to the door we made out of several sheets of plywood.

“We can't let you in. These supplies are ours.” I tell them.

Without response, the unknown assailants fire into the barricades. I hear a cry of pain behind me, and I turn to see Evan lying on the floor, in a pool of blood. I signal to my men to open the door, and they do so, revealing an enemy force of at least four men. Trent begins to open fire on them through slots we made at the top of the barricades, taking out two of them. I dispatch two more with my own M1 Garand. Seconds later, another man appears with his hands in the air.

“What's your name?” I ask him.

“David Anderson” he replies.

I turn to Trent and Trey. “What do we do with him?” I ask.

“Release him. If he comes back, we won't spare him next time. We can't be worried with prisoners.” Trent replies.

“I agree with Trent.” Trey replies.

“Alright then. David, dig the graves of your comrades here. Put them over there.” I point out the spot. “Dig the graves at least deep enough to cover them. Zach Shepherd, go get the man a shovel. Jordan, go check the bodies for anything of use. Trent, you make sure our man doesn't do anything foolish. I'm gonna go check on Evan.”

I head over to where Evan is. Several people are already around him, shocked at his wounds. I grab a shirt off of the shirt rack and make a bandage for his wounded thigh. I send someone off to the pharmacy to get some painkillers for him.

“Ev, you still with us?” I ask, to see if he's still lucid.

“Yeah, it hurts bad though. I think I'll be alright.” He replies.

Fortunately, I notice the bullet embedded in a shelf behind him. This simplifies the situation greatly, since we won't have to fish for the projectile in his flesh. After making sure he will be alright, I head off to Jordan and the bodies.

“Anything we can use?” I ask.

“Well, I found some pocket knives, cell phones, and that's about it. Nothing that we don't already have. They did drive here in their truck.” He replies, pointing toward the Ram 2500 in the parking lot.

“Good, we can use that. We'll send our man off in one of the cars around here that we found the keys for.” I reply. With that, I head off toward Trent and David, who is still working on the grave.

“How's progress going?” I ask.
“He's doing well. Only about half a foot left.” Trent replies.

“Alright. I'll go get the bodies.” I reply. I walk back to the storefront and begin dragging the bodies of the downed attackers toward the grave site two by two. By the time I finish, the grave is dug. We dump the bodies in and cover them up. I hand David the keys to a piece of trash car in the parking lot and send him on his way back to Greene county. I turn to Trent. “Gruesome, isn't it?”

“Yeah. Hit all four in the chest.” He replies.

“I was hoping they wouldn't follow through on their threats. Oh well, you do what you have to do.”

With that, we head inside. I've decided to establish a ranking system to hopefully lessen arguments within our group. I'll announce this to all the men, and hopefully they won't be too offended if they're low ranked.

“Alright guys, in the effort to improve efficiency, we're going to set ranks for everyone within our group. Don't be offended if you're ranked low. Not everyone can be top ranked. You're going to be picked on several factors, including, but not limited to, how long you've been here and how useful you've been so far. Alright, from highest to lowest, it goes as follows: Trent, Trey, and I are four star generals. Jordan is a lieutenant general. Zach Shepherd and the two Dylans are major generals. Patters and Evan are brigadier generals. G-Money is a colonel. Jared and Zach are lieutenant colonels. Chris J is a Major. As you probably have figured out, the lower ranks will be subject to commands from higher ranks. This is a system that's primarily based around how much seniority you have within the group. Don't get carried away with your power. It's more symbolic than it is actually meant to be used. The Troika will also promote or demote as we see fit. I hope you all can learn to live under the structure we're attempting to provide to coalesce our group. Alright, as for now, we need to set up a communications link with HQ. We'll set up CB radios and antennas at both ends, and we'll make sure someone's always manning them, with situation reports at least every hour.”

With that, Trey and I go and get some CB radios and antennas from NAPA. We set the first one up at Forward Base and leave Trent to monitor it. We head down to HQ and greet the two Dylans, and tell them what has been going on. They seem somewhat disappointed that they missed out, but also relieved that they weren't the ones being shot at. When I tell them of the CB plan, they seem glad that they'll have some sort of link with Forward Base. We set the CB up, and I make our first transmission.

“Trent, this is Mike. You got your ears on, over?” I call.

“Roger, I hear you, over.” the CB replies.

“Alright, good. We'll be staying here tonight, we'll come back in the morning, out.”

With that, we head to bed to get some sleep. I don't think any of us have yet come to terms with the fact that we've brutally murdered people for the first time in our lives. I try to continue ignoring any philosophical thoughts in the intent of getting some sleep instead. I'm sure we'll have time to ponder the meaning of life in the future, but now is not that time. Hopefully tomorrow won't be so confrontational.

Last edited by Diesel; 30-Mar-2010 at 20:59.
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Old 30-Mar-2010, 17:57
Jesse the Great Tsar's Avatar
Jesse the Great Tsar Jesse the Great Tsar is offline
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You could develop some of the dialog but other from that, it's pretty well done, I have to say.
"Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo.
So little time — so much to know!"
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Old 30-Mar-2010, 18:03
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AiRsTrIkE AiRsTrIkE is offline
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This is some good stuff Diesel. Real engaging. I'd like to see more if you feel it.
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Old 30-Mar-2010, 20:48
Diesel's Avatar
Diesel Diesel is offline
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Posts: 239

Yeah, I've got to work on dialogue a bit more.

And yes, there will be more to this. I just work on it from time to time when I get the urge. I usually write a chapter every two days or so.
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Old 30-Mar-2010, 22:09
MerX Back 91's Avatar
MerX Back 91 MerX Back 91 is offline
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I like it.
Reptar will find and rape you.
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Old 31-Mar-2010, 07:25
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Mantis Mantis is offline
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Good writing, and besides the dialogue it gets an A from me.
RIP Dan Wheldon, a true champion.
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Old 02-Apr-2010, 18:03
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Ocelot Ocelot is offline
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Use more descriptive words and build up an atmosphere. As is it's pretty banal.
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